Archive for April, 2009
Let me hook you up with some advice…
by Steve on Apr.17, 2009, under Rant/Opinion
Ok so we can all agree that Email is the greatest thing to ever happen. You would probably agree that it has made life easier in some respects and more stressful at the same time. While the ease at which we can whip out non-verbal communications and transmit to every imaginable device in the blink of an eye is awesome, the dread of spam and friends/relatives that don’t get the medium is driving me crazy. Now my son and daughter will guffaw at oh knowledgeable one, me, and my thinking I’m in the know attitude, none-the-less I will attempt to share a humble opinion of what’s good and bad here. This will be too much to do in one sitting so we will break this up and start with the ever popular “Forward”.
First and foremost, you don’t have to forward every freaking e-mail you receive. Why do we do this? This is by far the worst email faux pas, other than maybe typing in all capitals. Compartmentalize your forwards to those you think would enjoy. If you are convinced that you are the world’s best judge of humor and enlightenment then fine send across your group dividing line but never be a mass forwarder. Also clean up your forwards for the love of Pete, please delete the previous addresses I don’t need to see the hierarchy of your life.
I love people who have to be the first to send it along as if they actually created the email. Fwd = you didn’t do it. You don’t get credit for the forward even if you were first. Sharing is ok, over-sharing is not. Now this caveat does exist, something that makes you smile will probably make another friend of yours do the same. That being said some sick shit makes me laugh, not all will appreciate all. It’s ok to fwd if your intentions are pure. Some photos fall into this category. Remember never use reply to all…ever! No way you know that many like-minded people, and for God’s sake check the TO and CC line before you forward to someone who already got it.
Now in keeping with the forward, if you send me an email that says please don’t delete, you will die a horrible death and fall off a cliff if you delete or god will smite you at the neck have the decency to put that at the beginning of the fwd so that I can delete immediately. I will not be waiting for my blessing or for Bill Gates to give me money, or for oil producing nations to feel the pain of our boycotting certain gas stations.
Do us all a favor and think about your forward. Realize that the email you casually send causes some of us anguish. Do I reply to this dumb-ass friend of mine after I have Snoped it and found his/her email to be poppycock. (Elderly parents get a pass on this one) The only reason this bothers me so much is because I am on a twelve step program that is similar to Al-Anon called IWSF (I will SNOPES first) Hi my name is Steve and I used to forward everything. HI STEVE… I will not forward what I do not believe, I will not believe every thing I receive, I will at least raise an eyebrow or cock my head to the side before I forward…..you get the picture. My friend MB broke me of this and I feel the necessity to share it with you.
Secondly or thirdly whatever – Do not try and envelop me in your agenda. The restrictions on Politics and religion still apply when it comes to Email. Unless you were in the same line at the polls or have the same confederate flag in the back of your truck be careful what you forward. God forbid we offend. People get fired over email now days. And while we are on that. Who gets to decide what email is considered so offensive that you can lose your livelihood over it. Jeez I say bring back Lenny Bruce. If it offends him then it truly is offensive other than that lighten the hell up people. I am easily offended by stupidity but you don’t see very many members of congress losing their position over that do ya?
So stop trying to get me saved by hoping that I will feel the lord thru the keys and quit trying to enhance my male hood, and If there truly was a chance that I could have an erection for 4 hours I would not call the doctor I would tell my wife to pack a lunch.
If I didn’t laugh at Redneck Weddings and Ghetto Fabulous Prom’s I would say come up with something new. I still want the pictures of puppies and sand/sidewalk art. I don’t want the e-postcards that make me feel guilty if I don’t open the damn things up. I do want the little Johnny jokes but stop sending the Blond jokes none and I mean none of them are funny.
Quit sending the lists of do you remember because even If I do I don’t want to admit it and I don’t care if I don’t pass the IQ tests (even if I try and cheat), I don’t want to Elf myself at Christmas and I spent 22 years in the Navy so I support the Damn troops quit sending me sentimental messages that say what I already know.
There now go out and forward this to at least 62 of your closest friends or you will get hit by a bus.
This guy gets it….
by Steve on Apr.03, 2009, under Random
Michael Savage = Love him or hate him, he makes sense!
HIGH SCHOOL – 1959 vs. 2009
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.
1959 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2009 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1959 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2009 – Police called and SWAT team arrives – they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1959 – Jeffrey sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2009 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1959 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2009 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.
Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1959 – Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2009 – The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1959 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2009 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1959 – Ants die.
2009 – ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents – and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny’s dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1959 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2009 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.
Why do we do this….
by Steve on Apr.02, 2009, under Rant/Opinion
So I am in a local eatery… the server, waitress, what-ever their called these days is literally trapped in restaurant hell by a host of teenage kids who just came from a football game. They are either being extremely rude or exuding an un-natural attitude of superiority while ordering, driving me and this server nuts. The fat-assed and I ain’t talking a little, I am talking sweats when he walks fat, manager is completely oblivious or more likely, completely apathetic to this poor girls plight.
As I watch, my irritation level rises and my wife who used to be a server at Denny’s (oh my is right!) try’s to keep me calm and out of it. This is just one of many instances where I have witnessed not just kids but down right bitchy adults contemptuously treat their fellow man or woman with distain simply due to their career choice.
Why do we do this? Is this a god-given right to torment the waitress or waiter? I would venture to say that we all have lost patience at some point with a bad server or a person in a customer service position, but does that give us the right to belittle these people? Who the hell do we think we are Brad and Angelina? (Their probably cool)
I am sure some psycho-babbling “therapist” would say that people who do this are somehow unhappy in their own situation. Because of their own weaknesses or insecurities these morons take out their frustrations on the defenseless smock or apron-wearer. I would like to blame the parents but as one, I know too well that training and enlightenment only go so far.
Even I, yes the self-anointed right thinker, have felt my teeth grit on occasion when I receive poor service. Do we all deserve the best service? “Damn right you say”… really? Why do you think so? Because you’re the customer, big freakin deal Jimmy. Seriously, because I am ordering two- “blue plate specials” or “grand slams” if you will, do I truly deserve the 5 star services I think I am entitled to?
I am reminded by my beautiful red-headed daughter that people just suck some times. She slings pasta and is a photographer/web designer, both at the same time. I guess most of us can be placed in the “suck” classification on any given day. Yet I think we often don’t remember what mom and dad said about putting ourselves in the other person’s rubber soled shoes.
I recognize that it was their decision to work at your crappy home town restaurant or diner, but for the love of Pete, can a sister just get a ridiculous tip every once in a while? We are quick to make a statement with a 50c tip but have you ever given a ten dollar tip for a small meal and good service? If your honest, probably not. ”They don’t deserve it” you say “they just did their job”. Think about that statement jack-hole. Who needs the money more than a server? Most of them are getting paid squat and are living off of those tips. It’s ok to complain about poor service but many of us are truly uppity little shits when you dig into your pocket for a tip.
So when you lay that dollar down, think about the miserable little douche-bag who turns over the ketchup bottle without the top, or loosens the lids to the salt and pepper shakers. Think about the punks who connect 75 straws together and sit at the table ordering water for 3 hours. Much less the padded bra wearing micro-chicks who think they are Paris Hilton when ordering that double chocolate malted shake that you have to hand blend.
Don’t get pissed when you pile all YOUR kids into their own booth and they order the freaking expensive Italian soda because you weren’t watching! You are their mother not the waitress, pay attention and tip the girl for having to tolerate your brats.
When you are about to stiff the server look at the plate with the leftover pie you just put your cigarette out in and the milk glass you just stuffed your napkin in and remember that someone has to clean up your mess. Jeez people I mean really…. ok now I am hungry, I wonder if Village Inn is still open?